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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
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Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
The truth is more important than the facts.
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I\'d invented a time
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
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Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
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My last cow just died, so I won\'t need your bull anymore.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
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A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said \'no\'.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
If you can\'t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you\'d best teach it to dance.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She\'s 97 today and we don\'t know where she is!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
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To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Minsky\'s Second Law: Don\'t just do something. Stand there.
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Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
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Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
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There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
If it wasn\'t for muscle spasms, I wouldn\'t get any exercise at all.
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
O\'Toole\'s Corollary of Finagle\'s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Once you\'ve written TBicycle, you never forget how.
I\'d stop eating chocolate, but I\'m no quitter.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
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There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
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Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
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Honolulu, it\'s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife\'s mother.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
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Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 10:27
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